Who would have guessed that I’d have an enjoyable time at the immunization clinic? Who would have guessed that I’d come out of there smiling, with not only a red Tootsie Roll Pop, but also a lollipop-shaped condom? You guessed it: I have a story to tell.
First off, let’s clear the air. Why was I getting vaccinated?
Against Typhoid. For a trip to Mexico. Rather, the resorts.
My whole family went to the clinic, minus the brother. But he’s not going on the trip. So why inflict him with pain?
It was at a fairly unkempt healthcare facility that we each received our shots, although shots were far from my mind when I first walked in. Why?
I enter a room. Dad’s on the computer. Just like home.
Apparently he’s checking with his doctor’s office to see if he needs a particular shot. We all think he’s just checking his email.
Regardless, the shot giver, Kurk, gave us the diarrhea details, the Montezuma’s revenge recap, and the malaria memo. It was kind of an information session blended with vaccinations and lollipops and condoms.
Actually, my mom’s the one who got all the condoms. But we’ll save her story for the end.
Dad’s freak’n out. His nurse still hasn’t emailed him back yet. What does that mean? Does he have to get a second shot? Oh no!
I get my shot lickety-split, me being the hero that I am. Dad well…he took longer.
But he did get his shot, probably so it would be socially acceptable for him to snag a lollipop from Kurk’s jar.
Mom: “Can Raechel and her dad have a lollipop?”
Kurk: “Sure. Go for it.”
Mom (noticing we had both picked red lollipops): They both picked red!
Me (after the shot): Like blood!
Kurk: What courses did they teach you in high school?
Me: Gothic of course!
Dad and I rushed off to a sax lesson in some faraway town. When I get home (much to my dismay!), I find six condoms. They’re all made to look like lollipops, with smiley faces and college graduates and football players on the wrapper. How’d she get them?
For free in the room across the hall!
See, Mom has a friend who stalked up on them for her daughter, who’s building bridges in a third-world country. Apparently Mom’s friend just entered the STD room and was walked into a closet marked “Toxic Materials.” Guess what was inside?