(based loosely off the Mrs. Van Hopper in Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca)
Calling all the Mrs. Van Hoppers! Open auditions! No experience necessary. Loud-mouthed imbeciles welcome. Just make sure you can carry on a conversation with someone who doesn’t want one for a minimum of thirty-five minutes!
By this we mean the stereotype–noisy, clingy, wanna-be brats. And yes, they do exist.
To the Mrs. Van Hopper in the back row of my English class: take a chill pill. Nobody likes it when you whisper during holiday concerts. Nobody adores you when the teacher has to stop his lecture to see that “everything’s okay back there.” And finally, nobody appreciates it when you share other people’s secrets.
Dear Mrs. Van Hopper,